15 Simple Tips for Living a Better Life Developed Right After Smashing Things
Bonus Tip #1: Don't look for '101 Tips for a Better Life'. A 101 tips is too many tips for anything.
I’m slowly easing my SUV between two rows of parked cars at the grocery store. It’s crowded and I’m having a problem finding a spot. Then I see one. Just up ahead. I speed up a little and whip in between the two cars.
Crunch, I hit two shopping carts someone has left in my parking spot, and send them bouncing between cars like a crazed pinball. Not only do I dimple the front of my car, but I’ve added a litany of dents and scratches to three or four other cars in the lot.
Nice work.
I could just back up and haul ass. But once I’ve finished screaming at Taylor Swift on the radio, I get out, and wait for my fellow soon-to-be-thrilled shoppers to return.
And while I’m waiting, I’m thinking. Yes, a little bit about how stupid I was, but mostly about how this was not a part of my live-a-good-life plan for the day.
As they say, everyone’s got a plan until they get hit with a shopping cart.
And here they are. My simple tips. Developed and tested over a lifetime of travel and adventure and codified while I sit in a grocery store parking waiting to get berated.
The 15 simple, get-your-life-back-together tips to keep you happy, and on track:
Breathe — Sounds simple but most of us are doing it wrong. We go around gulping and chewing air through our mouths. We’re designed to snort air through our nostrils. Well, not snort. If you’re snorting anything thru your nose, you’re in trouble. The perfect rhythm for breath is 5 -6 breaths per minute, with an equal length inhale and exhale.
It’s not The Three Stooges — It’s the Big Three. Pay attention. Eat right. Sleep right. Exercise right. Pretty simple. Think about it this way. Cook your meals. Get a solid 8 hours of sleep (you can throw in a party-till-the-sun-comes-up on rare occasions). Pick up heavy shit, take the stairs, walk the dog in the morning — regardless of whether you have a dog or not — and you’ll be fine.
Pizza should always be thin crust NY’er style (unless you’re in Italy then don’t ask questions just eat what they put in from of you.) — And no more than three ingredients. Max. The perfect pizza is pepperoni, sausage, and black olive.
Procrastination is ok — if you’re using the time to do nothing (daydreaming has its benefits). But not if you’re down a rabbit hole watching Tik after Tok after TikTok. Procrastination is like a double margarita. A little is awesome, but too much is a killer. Know your limits.
A book-a-day — Read something every day. Something that makes you think. Or laugh. Or cry. Or understand what’s actually inside the cereal box (I freely admit that many of you will not understand about breakfast cereals, and reading the back of the box, but you get the point, right?).
Explain it before you brain it — We get hit with a lot of data and information. Constantly. And we want to learn, to grow. It all happens quickly. Go fast, but be careful, make sure you fully understand it before you embrace it. Rule is, if you can’t explain it to a six-year-old, you don’t understand it. So go back and re-evaluate. And if you don’t want to explain it to a six-year-old, then maybe it’s something that isn’t right for you either.
It’s never going to be perfect — Perfection is boring. The only way to create something perfect is to fail, and correct, fail again, and correct again. And on and on. If you procrastinate because it’s not yet perfect, you are missing the point. It will never get better, let alone perfect, if you don’t publish, produce, upload your work to be evaluated. Just spit it out.
Do what you say — Honesty is a choice. I try to be honest in my actions and my interactions with others. I do my best to fulfill my commitments. If I don’t have the time or desire to complete the task, I say no. I say no a lot. And be honest with yourself. Evaluate.
Think in opposites — Everyone will try and force you into an either-or decision. Life is not black and white. It’s a gray, gray world out there. This is a good thing. Don’t go with the crowd in thought. Question everything. If anyone objects to your questions, they are likely not being honest. Groups want group think. They don’t want independent thought. Think for yourself.
Mister Rogers it — Just be nice. Be respectful. You don’t know the type of day the other person has had. Maybe someone crashed into their car earlier in the day. Ease their pain with a smile.
Frame it - Go ahead and frame your doodles, your scribbles, your cocktail napkin scratches and hang them on the wall. Not all of them but the ones that have that little spark of creativity. This works great for your kids artwork as well. Frame it. Hang it. It’ll remind you that we are all creative beings.
Send your phone on a vacation - Walk everyday. Outside. Without your phone. Let your mind work. Just move your feet. Swing your arms. Walk in a circle or backwards or sideways. Just move. Focus on the body and the mind will relax and eventually feed you answers to the questions you haven’t even asked out loud.
Buy colored shoe laces - replace the shoelaces on your new and/or old shoes. Buy bold colors. Show some personality in little, subtle ways.
Learn to cook something - You don’t have to be Gordon Ramsay. Just learn to cook one meal. Four courses. An app, cheese plate works if you don’t used pre-sliced cheeses. An entrèe. A side preferably a vegetable. And a dessert. Cooking a special meal for that special person is a great way to show you care. Or it’s a great way to pamper yourself. Both are needed from time to time. And pair a special wine with the meal. It shows you’ve taken care and put some thought into the evening. Want to add a little something extra for date night? Go to an antique store and buy a setting for two including wine glass, water glass, plates, and silver ware for the meal.
Put your shopping carts back in the designated area — Really, there are two types of people in the world; those that put their carts back and those that don’t. And propping the cart up on a curb, so it doesn’t wander off into traffic is the worse. It means you know, leaving a cart out, is an asshole thing to do but you’re just too lazy to push it back 100 ft. and leave in in the cart rack. Really, this will ruin your life. You’ll end up homeless, on your friend’s couch, with Cheeto’s stains on your sweats, binge watching Too Hot to Handle. Save yourself. Put. The. Cart. Back.
People will surprise you. I was expecting high drama when the shoppers returned to their cars, arms loaded with groceries, hot, sweaty, irritated. But everyone was polite. No one yelled. Some thanked me for sticking around. One guy laughed. I think he laughed with me and not at me. The whole thing was taken care of with the minimum of fuss and muss.
There were many terrible things in my life and most of them never happened. ― Michel de Montaigne
Bonus Tip #2: Don’t imagine trouble. You are stressing over something that hasn’t happened and may not happen.
Think About It…
Here are a couple of cool, positive happenings in our world:
Regenerative Farming is making progress. It’s a common sense answer and solution to climate change.
Be nice. Just because you’re getting bombarded daily with the whole ‘if it bleeds it leads’ news cycles, there are positive developments happening in our world right now.
It’s better to stay positive.
Do It…
Watching Dumb Money with my son this weekend at the movie theater. And the Hopping Vampires of Hong Kong series on the Criterion channel. They’re undead. And they’re unstoppable. And they’re funny. I promise you haven’t seen anything like these movies.
I’ll be writing and posting two stories I’m currently editing.
Reading: The Brothers Karamazov - I’m usually reading or re-reading a classic. This is a re-read but I learn something new every time I read it. And the soil will save us, because I’m all into regenerative farming.
And I’ll devote a minimum of 20 hours of work on my Substack this week.
Stuff for the secret jock inside of everyone…
NFL: (as usual, if you use this for betting purposes, you’re probably going to lose.)
Last week’s record: 13 - 3
Season’s Record: 51 - 23
NFL Week 5:
Bears vs. Commanders - Commanders
Jaguars vs. Bills - Bills, despite being overseas, Bills are just a better team.
Texans vs. Falcons - Texans
Panthers vs. Lions - Lions
Titans vs. Colts - Colts
Giants vs. Dolphins - C’mon now, this is a blow out. Dolphins.
Saints vs. Patriots - Patriots
Ravens vs. Steelers - Ravens
Bengals vs. Cardinals - Bengals
Eagles vs. Rams - Rams
Jets vs. Broncos - Jets, finally get a dominant win.
Chiefs vs. Vikings - Chiefs
Cowboys vs. 49ers - Cowboys
Packers vs. Raiders - Packers