Confessions of a Rom-Com Loving Dude
The story structure is always there to see; from reluctant hero to happy ending.
I have a secret.
I'm a 60-something-year-old dude, and I love a good rom-com. It doesn't even have to be that great. Give me an afternoon with the Hallmark Channel, and I'm good to go.
I'll sit with pad and pen, taking notes—yes, I take notes—on story structure, meet-cute dialogue, and plot twists. Happy as a clam, but with the remote in one hand, ready to switch to Die Hard if anyone walks in. Because nothing says "manly man" like Bruce Willis crawling through air ducts.
The holiday season is the best. A Christmas rom-com is like adding sprinkles to that double chocolate, chocolate chip sundae with lots and lots of whipped cream.
And a cherry on top.
There is a reason these stories resonate. I'm not the only one sitting in front of the TV wiping away a stray tear (allergies, I swear). These stories follow a pattern that is familiar to us all. We can relate. Bad things happen, and we fight through them to the happy ending.
We all want love and purpose in our lives. Love plus purpose equals a happy life.
But can we use this formula to craft our own happy life?
The Formula
The stories go something like this:
The Set Up: Some beautiful person is living a happy, fulfilled life full of purpose, running their coffee shop, bookstore, or flower shop. We like them. They're good people. Comfort abounds as earned through the plucky, earnest, hard work of our hero.
Unexpected Event #1: Our hero is thrown off-kilter. Something happens that shakes them, puts their world in jeopardy. Fixing it requires our hero to step outside their world. It's a quest.
Mysterious Stranger: A romantic partner appears, and friction occurs (the partner may be the cause of all the shake-shake-shake-ups). Our hero fights against the changes and must overcome their fear. Hero appears very reluctant. Hell no, I won't go. Just wants to get back to their safe life.
Sh*t Storms Rage: Things get worse, and our hero realizes there is only one way out. Things must get addressed. Things must get said. Action ensues.
Progress: It's time to hook up. Maybe it's a kind gesture or an unselfish act, but our hero now sees the situation and their potential partner in a whole new light. Possible romance or sex or board games are in the air depending on the movie rating.
Unexpected Event #2: Another setback. Confusion reigns. Things get worse. Looks like that partnership was premature.
Unexpected Event #3: Big, bad wolf time. Things couldn't be worse. Courage is needed to save the relationship, the town, and the world. And then, in the "Eureka Moment," our hero discovers what is truly worth pursuing.
Big Splashy Ending: Splashy happy ending, usually attached to some grand gesture—ride on the lawnmower, horseback ride across the park, rushing through security at the airport—or at the very least, a final memorable line of dialogue.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. —Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces
The stories have movement.
This is life. No, not the 5,000 sq. ft. apartment in Manhattan that the schoolteacher lives in—that's not realistic. But the movement forward. Our lives do not fit neatly into a 90-minute story with a happy ending. Our lives go on. The world moves forward. We have days we swing around the lamppost and days we punch through the wall.
But packed within these clichéd scripts lies magic.
It's a system. A journey that has been used by Homer, and Elmore Leonard, and Nicholas Sparks. Quentin Tarantino even.
If it's good enough for Shakespeare, it's good enough for us.
If you want your happy ending, follow the rom-com system.
Here's the step-by-step:
The Set Up: You are the beautiful person of your own life. Remember that because it's important. The Stoics say amor fati or love of fate. It's your beautiful life, so good or bad, appreciate it. Appreciate yourself.
Unexpected Event #1: You will have bad days. Bad things will happen to you. Period. Spilled coffee on your favorite shirt? Stepped on a Lego barefoot? This is why purpose is important. Purpose will help find direction. Purpose plus action plus time equals success. Learning is not a straight-line path. Daily action keeps you moving forward.
Mysterious Stranger: It may not be a person that appears in your life. Maybe it's an opportunity. An idea. A decision made. Doors open, but we are reluctant to walk through. The fear of change can be greater than the pain of our existence.
Sh*t Storms Rage: Opportunity brings reluctance, fear, and confusion. You may not want to leave your cushy daily existence. Even if your life is not ideal—not cushy—and you're broke, or out of shape slamming down Oreos at 2 a.m., you may still resist change. You're a reluctant hero, but remember, the more resistance you feel, the more important this is to your happy ending. We need you to be remarkable. Take just one step and begin.
Progress: Grab a hat because the sh*t storm is raging, but you are moving. You've created an action plan and "hooked up" with your opportunity. Purpose, opportunity, and action plan are aligned. You're basically a superhero in a rom-com montage.
Unexpected Event #2: Resistance is the heavyweight champ. It's gritty and doesn't want to let you out of its grasp. It attacks. You rationalize. Did I make the right decision? Is this worth giving up my Netflix binge sessions? It gets harder. You persevere. You get help from a teacher or a mentor or maybe just some encouragement from a friend. Maybe it's just an idea sparked from a book you read. Inspiration comes in many forms and places.
Unexpected Event #3: Wolf-killing time. Evaluate, educate, and refocus. It takes courage to look at yourself and your actions in a non-biased manner, but it's critical. If your actions aren't leading to success, then change your actions. Evaluate. Adjust.
Big Splashy Ending: Sorry, but we don't really have one big happy ending. Life goes on. But if we follow the plan, we can have lots of happy endings—big and small - interspersed with our challenges. So go ahead and create your own grand gesture. Rent that blimp with the banner. You've earned it.
And you’ll have to earn it again tomorrow.
These stories in books and on TV and on cinema screens are the same stories that were told around campfires. They're archetypes. They're guideposts, meant to entertain us but also to educate us.
Guide us toward our own personal happy ending.
The stories have staying power because they are true.
The paths within the stories are true. Craft your own and create a happy life.
Think About It…
I don’t usually get political. I believe we should all be responsible for our own actions and support the communities we live in. It’s inclusion. It’s respect. It’s responsibility to ourselves and each other.
But, enough is enough…
10 things Donald Trump has done that should make him ineligible to run for President:
Hollywood Access tape: he’s a misogynist
Trump violated the 14th Amendment - Jan. 6th insurrection
Has and continues to lie about the 2020 election
Trump has made more than 100 threats to prosecute or punish perceived enemies
Trump has threatened the use of the military against US citizens.
Claimed he wanted generals like Hitler had (btw, many of Hitler’s generals tried to kill him. Rommel was forced to commit suicide by Hitler when his attempted coup failed.)
He’s the first US President to be convicted of a felony charge. (34 in all) Plus multiple legal suits he’s settled including Trump University which was found to be a fraud.
Threatened the media and claimed they should have their license revoked.
Supports Putin and Russia over the US. In many ways.
Trump was impeached twice.
And he never takes responsibility for his mistakes. Never. It’s blame, blame, blame. Sue. Sue. Sue. Is that how you would raise your children?
I’ve given you a couple of sources to check. But all of these can easily be verified if you take the time. There are many, many, more reasons not to vote for Trump. And none of them have to do with party affiliation or policy. They have to do with honesty and integrity.
Trump has neither.
Do It…
Watch it: The Lincoln Lawyer. Season 3. I’ve read all of the books. Courtroom dramas may be my single favorite genre. The best ones are stories filled with crime, mystery, and intrigue. They’re satisfying because justice is usually dispensed.
In 2022, The Crow, directed by Glenn Marshall, became the first AI film to win a Cannes Film Festival award. It’s dance, turned to algorithm, turned to animation. It’s a beautiful little film. Check out the making of it here. It’s short and fun. And if you want to see the inspiration for the animation version you can check it out here: Painted.
Read it: Nexus by Yuval Harari. I’m a fan of Harari. The reviews on this book have been mixed. I’m going to read it for myself and let you know. It seems that Harari has become one of these AI-to-end-the-world type guys. I hope not. He’s always been reasoned and well researched.
Listen to it (fun it): Just need something a little light hearted this week. Tired of all the political rhetoric. So smile. Laugh. Vote.
Quote it:
I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.
― Friedrich Nietzsche