How to Stay Grateful Even Though Everything Seems to be Falling Apart
Yes, it's time to be grateful, and respectful, of all cultures, all humans, all society.
Injustice hurts.
Win the game and we were in the Little League World Series. It was my turn in the rotation to pitch. The team we were playing was undefeated. In southern California, in the late 60’s and early 70’s, baseball was king. The talent level was immense. So to go undefeated, well, that was unheard of.
Their team was stacked. I think a few of their players were sporting wispy mustaches.
But mostly, they crushed fastballs. I was a fastball pitcher. Still, I was ready. Prepared. Warmed up.
Then my coach called me over and sent me to the bench. He had a gut feeling. He decided that we needed to start our curve ball specialist. Curve ball pitchers in Little League - at least good ones - were very rare then. I sat on the bench and cried these gut-wrenching sobs. I didn’t care that I was 12-years-old and 12-year-old boys weren’t suppose to cry. It seemed so unfair. My Dad had to come down from the stands and calm me down.
We lost the game 12 - 0.
They put me in to pitch the last inning. Three up and three down. But nobody cared. Not the coach. No one in the stands. Not the other team. Not me.
I’m in my 60’s now and I can still remember it all.
Injustice has a way of hitting us right in the gonads or wherever your most sensitive parts are. It’ll make you lose your mind. Rant. Rave. Punch something. Or maybe that’s just me. There’s no cool, calm, and collected when I see injustice.
Whether it’s a personal betrayal, systemic inequality, or just watching someone cut in line at your favorite coffee shop, unfairness flips a switch in our brains. Calm becomes anger. The world feels off-kilter, and we’re left grappling with a mix of emotions—anger, frustration, helplessness, and maybe even a dash of revenge plotting.
But here’s the twist: our reaction to injustice isn’t just an emotional outburst; it’s a deeply human response, rooted in our biology and shaped by our social instincts. We’re wired to crave fairness because it’s the glue that holds society together.
And when it’s missing, the question isn’t just, Why is this happening?—it’s, What am I going to do about it?
It’s a Yin and It’s a Yang at Play
We are hard wired to trust each other. Why? Trust enables cooperation and intimacy. Trust is the foundation of groups and societal progress. You can’t be a part of the group without trust. And without a group, back in the days when our brains were still figuring out all this survival stuff, you died. So you trusted first.
This trust is based upon fairness and equality. We needed it to survive. It’s in our own best interest.
But we were also suspicious. It’s why you check the fine print, think twice, avoid dark alleys. Trust is great for getting into the group but without a little suspicion you were soon eaten by an apex predator as you skipped around the mulberry bush.
Trust is optimistic. It assumes the best in others and opens doors to opportunities. Evolutionarily, humans have thrived by forming social bonds and depending on others for survival. Early hunter-gatherer societies were built on mutual trust. Hunters shared their spoils, caregivers ensured the next generation thrived, and communities protected each other. This inclination to trust remains hardwired in us, fueled by oxytocin, the so-called ‘trust hormone,’ which helps us form connections. Trust fosters collaboration, reduces stress, and builds the social structures that allow us to thrive. Without trust, we would live in isolation, eating Cheetos, and waiting for someone to come kick down our door.
But trust alone can’t protect us. It can’t save us. Sprinkle in a little suspicion and we may survive. Suspicion is the cautious voice in our heads. It’s gut instinct honed through millennia of navigating potential threats. While trust opens doors, suspicion keeps us from walking blindly into danger. It’s the evolutionary response to betrayal, a survival mechanism that ensures we pause and assess risks before we follow that lemming off the cliff. Suspicion helped our ancestors avoid poisonous plants, dangerous predators, and untrustworthy allies. Today, it manifests in smaller but no less critical ways. It stops us from clicking on a suspicious email link. It questions too-good-to-be-true offers and notices subtle inconsistencies in someone’s story.
The interplay between trust and suspicion is a constant negotiation that shapes our decisions, relationships, and worldview. Too much trust can make us gullible, leaving us vulnerable to exploitation, or plopping red hats on our heads. We’re zombies following the party line, not asking questions, not looking at the dangers, not interested in growing and learning but only in belonging.
But too much suspicion can isolate us, breeding paranoia and limiting opportunities for connection and growth.
Like yin and yang, the two forces must coexist in harmony. The trick lies in finding the right balance, trusting enough to build meaningful relationships and seize opportunities, but staying alert enough to protect ourselves, and therefore the group from harm. Together, trust and suspicion form a dynamic tension that propels us forward, helping us navigate a world that is as unpredictable as it is interconnected.
Warning sign: Any group that is determined to separate and isolate is a group that is determined to control power. It’s a group that doesn’t want to build trust but loyalty. Instead of building networks it must sever connections making followers more reliant upon the group. It’s a manipulation of our natural tendency to trust. It’s an injustice.
This, obviously, leads us to gratitude (Huh, what you talking about?)
Finding balance between trust and suspicion is no easy feat. It’s like walking a tightrope stretched between optimism and caution. Too much trust, and we risk falling into naivety; too much suspicion, and we risk living in isolation, mistrustful of even good intentions of others. This yin-yang relationship isn’t just about survival. It shapes our perspective of life. When trust and suspicion are in harmony, they create space for something deeper: gratitude.
Gratitude thrives in this middle ground (but needed the most when we are in the height of distrust), where we acknowledge life’s imperfections while still appreciating its blessings. It doesn’t demand blind faith. It doesn’t succumb to cynicism. Instead, gratitude invites us to focus on what’s going right, even when the world has crumbled into a mass of madness. It’s the bridge between these forces, allowing us to embrace the trust we extend to others and temper the suspicion we feel with a reminder of the good that exists.
And sometimes it’s fucking hard. Sometimes you just want to fight. You don’t want to be grateful. And that’s the time when gratitude is the most important.
Gratitude still matters.
Why Gratitude Matters (Even When Life Sucks)
Even though we want to trust, our brains jump to the negative. This kept us alive. It kept us alert. This “negativity bias” means our first reaction to a snarky comment is often anger. We become obsessive. We’re far more likely to obsess over what went wrong than to appreciate what went right. We ignore compliments and hold on tight to insults.
Gratitude counters this by training your brain to focus on the positive. Neuroscientists have found that deliberately noticing good things, even small ones, especially small ones, activates the brain’s reward system. The brain rewards us with a pop of dopamine and serotonin. You feel better. Over time, this practice rewires your brain through neuroplasticity. The more you notice the good, the more your brain learns to seek it out automatically.
You’ll turn your brain into a gratitude-junky. It feels good to be grateful. And it helps to balance the bad that is continually smacking you in the face.
Being grateful can break the negativity cycle.
The Gratitude Muscle: Yes, It’s a Skill (It’s another type of workout for you.)
Some of us may be more apt at noticing the good around us. You know those people, always smiling, never rattled. They appreciate life as it is. They smile a lot. They notice nature. They walk with their heads held up high. It seems to come naturally to them. This trust that it will all work out.
That’s not me. I have to train myself to become more grateful. I don’t want to be all polly-annna. I want to be realistic. But I also recognize that gratitude is an important part of life and existence. I want to appreciate my surroundings. I want to feel blessed. I don’t want to be angry. I want to be effective. I want to be thoughtful and to make a difference in our world. And to make a difference you must appreciate it. And you must be grateful.
I began to work on it. And here the methods I’ve used to become a little more thoughtful and grateful:
The 3-second rule: I appreciate the little things. If it makes me smile? I say, thank you, even if it’s just a bird singing on the window sill. Catch all the green lights? Thank you. Come up with a good idea for a story. Thanks again. Turn out the perfect cup of coffee and omelette for breakfast? Big thank you. And I say it out loud with a smile. Try it. You’ll start noticing your surroundings. You’ll look for something to be grateful about. You’re training your brain with little shots of dopamine.
Reverse bucket list: I take time to appreciate the things I’ve already done. I’m 60+. So I’ve seen a lot and survived a lot. I remember my successes, old friends, family outings, business accomplishments. This nostalgia triggers endorphins. I often look back to where I was 5 years ago or 10 years ago. It makes me smile. We all progress in one shape of form. Give your self credit. You’re a survivor. You’re a tough s.o.b.
Make it twisted: I have a dark, twisted sense of humor. I’ll often take the time to appreciate and say thanks for some bullshit that occurred. When I was in high school our house burned down. Everything we had went up in smoke. We had the clothes on out back and one car and nothing else. We sat and watched the house burn and laughed. At least no one got toasted. At least the dog was outside and ok. At least we’d be able to have a huge marshmallow roast as the fire died down. Use humor to help you appreciate even the bad stuff. At least you’re still around kicking. Smile.
Yeah, yeah, we all know this one. Keep a journal: Full disclosure, I’m an inconsistent journaler. I feel better when I’m writing my thoughts down. I use cheap notebooks I can throw away when I fill them. I don’t want to keep my journals. It makes them too hard to write if I’m worried what someone will think if they read them after I’m gone - not that anyone would. So I fill a notebook, and throw it away, and start a new one. But since I’m not keeping it I can play with the whole journaling things I’m grateful for idea. I’ll scribble it or doodle it or write it in letters that take up the whole page. Keep a gratitude journal but don’t make it a serious one. Play with it.
Share it: Call an old friend or family member at least once a week and say thank you. Tell them you’ve been thinking about them. Help someone else for a change without any regard to your situation. Showing kindness is a great way to be appreciative and grateful. Pass it on.
What Gratitude Isn’t (And Why That’s Okay)
Gratitude is not a catch-all, cure-all. If you’re in real pain, gratitude won’t fix it. It won’t cure the world around us. It won’t even protect us from being taken advantage of, or lied to, or manipulated. Optimism is important but be grounded in reality. The world is not a fair place. And now it seems especially cruel. Gratitude alone will not correct everything, anything. But it will open your eyes to opportunities. It’s worth the effort because it creates hope. And we need hope. We need to keep fighting.
We owe it to the world. Be grateful. Smile. Let gratitude show you the way. Plus it’ll keep your enemies guessing. Enemies often know how to deal with anger. They expect it. But a determined, smart adversary is scary, and dangerous especially one with gratitude for the opportunity to make a change.
Read. Write. Think. Share. Speak out. Smile.
Think about it…
You’ve heard this one before but it’s worth reading again:
The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice. — Martin Luther King Jr.
Not to hammer the point too far but…
Balance trust with suspicion, but always ground yourself in gratitude—even in the face of injustice. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring injustice or accepting unfairness. Instead, it’s about maintaining perspective, preventing bitterness from taking over, and using that clarity to act with purpose. It’s a tool that allows us to keep fighting for fairness without losing ourselves in rage or despair.
Fight.
Do it…
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SNL 50: See how your favorite skits have aged.
Listen to it: Is This Linda Ronstadt's Best?! "Blue Bayou" Vocal ANALYSIS by Opera Singer - so this might be a little weird. But sometimes I need an expert to tell me when I’m seeing greatness. I need to understand the greatness of what I’m seeing or listening to or reading. I know the greatness of Michael Jordan. I know the greatness of Patrick Mahomes. But singing? I need help. Trust me. But I appreciate the power of clean and clear vocals and hearing an expert explain the greatness makes me grateful to be able to listen to perfection. It makes me smile.
Read it: A Drink Before the War by Dennis Lehane. It’s the first novel of the Kenzie and Gennaro series. It’s dark. Crammed full of plot and characters. It’s one of my favorites and it fits my mood this week.
If you want to check out some great reading list and see which books have influenced, surprised, educated, and entertained me, check out my book shop here. The lists grow monthly and I don’t recommend any books I haven’t personally read. Yes, I get a little commission but if you’re going to buy a book anyway, please buy it here. It may be a buck or two more than Amazon but a part of every purchase goes to support local book stores. Independent book stores are a center for independent thought. Help keep them alive. You can also check out my book recommendation engine. It’s fun.