It's Never Either-Or. You Have a Choice.
Honesty and truth are not black-n-white. They don't come that easily.
It’s been a 14-hour plane flight, two hours to clear customs, a one-hour ferry ride, and a three-hour car trip to get to the factory. I’m drinking a cup of oolong tea at a table of twelve people. All are staring at me. Watching me. Slurping their own cups of tea and waiting for me to blink.
All I want is a hotel bed and ten hours of sleep.
The owner of the factory sets his cup down and politely explains that they will not ship any pumps to our customers unless we agree to a price increase. And they will not reimburse us for defective products from their last production run. No pumps. No cash. There are lots of polite head nods around the table in support of the boss-man.
The little shakes of their heads have put millions of dollars of orders - from the two largest home centers in the U.S. - at risk.
Home centers calculate their ROI on shelf space. If we can’t complete the orders and leave empty space on their shelves, we will be kicked out of the store — likely forever — and we could be charged for the profits they would have received had we fulfilled the orders.
If we don’t ship the orders; we’re bankrupt.
If we pay the price increase; we’re bankrupt.
If we don’t get reimbursed for the defective products our customers have already deducted from their payments; we’re bankrupt.
Hang on, hang on, just a second.
This is not an article about business negotiations. This is an article about choice. We all have an abundance of choices in our lives—more than at any other time in history.
So why do we let others put us into an either-or situation?
Time for a breakdown. Life was not built by individuals. It was built by groups.
If I had to pick one tool for the ascendancy of Homo Sapiens, I’d choose the campfire.
The campfire — not fire itself.
Fire kept us warm. Cooked our foods. Cleared land. Harden tools.
But the campfire created society.
Campfires solved problems.
Imagine you’re an explorer in a new land, unfamiliar with the landscape. At night, you’d gather around the campfire, warm your hands, watch the snap, crackle, pop of the flames, and you’d talk with others. You’d talk about the B.S. of the day.
If you were a gatherer, you’d talk about berries, nuts, and herbs. You’d let others know what was safe to eat and where to find it. You might discuss seeds and how to plant them. You’d talk about rivers you’d seen or game trails you’d walked across.
If you were a hunter, you’d talk about animals you saw during the day. What you saw them eating. Does that mean it’s safe for humans to eat? Maybe you’d discuss tools or weapons needed to capture or kill your prey. Or fields you crossed that had a strange new plant growing. Or how a spider’s web was spun across a path to catch dinner. Could we somehow borrow that idea? Use it. Improve it.
Campfires were incubators of ideas.
They were the first brainstorming sessions. Humans came together and discussed their day, their questions, and their problems. Everyone pitched in. Society moved forward and survived by working together and solving problems. A group of people sitting around the campfire talking and listening to each other was, and is, infinitely smarter than a lone individual trying to go it on their own.
There was no victory without success for the tribe. Winning wasn’t about beating the competition; it was about beating the problem. We are designed to be problem solvers. We are designed to work together.
If our ancestors had acted as individuals, we’d all be dead now—or rather, never born at all.
But groups can be dangerous.
Thought Crimes. This is how I control you. I make your choices binary.
"Thoughtcrime is death. Thoughtcrime does not entail death. Thoughtcrime IS death. I have committed even before setting pen to paper the essential crime that contains all others unto itself." — Winston Smith, Nineteen Eighty-Four via George Orwell
"Us or them." It’s a rallying cry for every modern-day sports team. "Everyone counted us out. They disrespected us. You’re either with us or against us."
That’s the big one — "you’re either with us or against us" — in all its insidious forms.
These types of sayings may be fine when you are trying to create a bond for the local football team, but when they are applied to society as a whole, they are about control. Someone is trying to tell you what to think, and how to think, because thoughts lead to action.
And to think anything else, to question, is a crime. If you control thoughts, you guide actions.
It’s "toe the line."
Fall in step. Do as I say, without question. Shut up and dribble.
It’s a zombie outbreak. No thinking required. Just follow along with the group, arms outstretched, chanting the same oft-repeated phrase everyone has agreed upon. If someone doesn’t agree, you knock them down, eat their brains, until they get up and walk, step-by-step, with the group.
Cavemen and women sitting around the campfire were specialists. But as a tribe, they were generalists. Everyone had to contribute new thoughts and ideas or perish. Eventually, after some lively discussions, they implemented a plan built upon a variety of ideas and concepts. If it worked, and the new hunting style produced a greater success rate, it became a custom.
We created dances to teach it.We carved it on walls.
If it didn’t work, back to the campfire it went, to be discussed, changed, adapted, or scrapped.
It evolved.
If the environment changed, or new tools were invented, or the demands of the tribe shifted, customs were not blindly followed. Once a method was no longer effective, it was booted. They went back to the campfire, discussed it, and evolved.
Customs that were not effective in practice meant death.
They didn’t have the luxury of living in the past. Survival depended upon adapting.
We evolved. We prospered. Until the next change was needed.
Loyalty doesn’t mean you need to drink the Kool-Aid
There is strength in groups.
But only weakness in group thought.
Strength does not come from blind allegiance. A strong leader will seek out differing opinions. A strong team will address problems directly, in the open. Admit mistakes and fix them.
A strong individual looks inward and holds themselves responsible. A successful team does the same.
It’s called growth.
Yes, you can support the group and still hold the team leaders responsible for their actions.
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise. — F. Scott Fitzgerald
Examples:
You can support the police and ask for reform.
You can be a group member and hold the leaders responsible for their crimes, regardless of whether they are a coach, a political leader, or a priest.
You can be a friend, tell them you love them, and still point out that they are being dishonest on a specific issue (Dude, that girl across the bar is not your wife. Go home.).
You can admit that civilization has grown and prospered through the use of fossil fuels while agreeing with the science that the climate crisis is man-made and should have been addressed many years ago.
It’s easier to just go along with the group. They don’t want you to think for yourself.
Niche down in business, not in thought
Business 101, at least on the internet, will tell you that success is dependent on selecting the right niche. Specialization is required to make the moolah. This may be true on X, but it is not true for life or society.
Our gift is our ability to crowdsource our thoughts. Our niche is our ability to band together and shift our focus to become expert on what is needed to solve the current problem.
Solve a problem.
Onto the next.
Call it niche switching.
We’ve thrived due to our diversification in thought.
The group doesn’t need another person to parrot the thoughts of everyone else.
Be bold in thought. Be a thought explorer.
Don’t be afraid to change your mind, disagree with the consensus, or come at a problem in an entirely new way. It’s what separates us from the other species on this planet. You’ll make the group stronger.
Walk around and test it out
If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. — Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Of course, all of this takes respect. Respect comes from the realization that there are a multitude of opinions and options. It’s not one way or the highway. That’s another either-or trope.
Respect comes in many forms.
Try this one.
Be like the Iroquois
The League of Iroquois was founded about 1000 A.D. It brought together the six different tribes under the Iroquois Nation for a governing council. The rules and tenets of their government were liberally borrowed by our founding fathers. Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson were especially fascinated by the Iroquois.
The most important rule…
— do not interrupt while someone is speaking.
Pay attention. Show respect to the speaker. They observed a moment of silence after a speaker was finished.
About 2 - 3 minutes for contemplation.
During this time, the speaker had a moment to reflect, amend, or supplement anything in the speech.
Everyone else stayed quiet. No judgment. Just reflection.
Then, after thought, others responded and were accorded the same respect.
The same courtesy.
Listening to and thinking about what is being said or what you are reading is a form of respect. It’s also a way to climb into someone else’s shoes and walk around a little.
Every problem has multiple solutions.
Finish It Already
I smiled at everyone sitting at the table, looking each person in the eye, until I came to the boss-man. I finished my oolong, set the cup down, said thank you, turned, and walked out.
This factory had one way in and one way out. It was surrounded by an 8 ft. wall with broken glass cemented around the top. The single gate was manned and barricaded.
I wasn’t suppose to be leaving.
I held my suitcase up in front of me, and bumped my way through the guards, out into the street, and started walking.
I literally took another path. One that wasn’t offered.
About two miles down the road, I came to a bar—a shack really—held together with bungee cords and zip ties. I got a Tsingtao beer and started making phone calls.
I was picked up by another pump factory and we worked out a deal. Our shipments would be late, but we’d get everything done. I flew back to our customers and gave them the news.
No one dumped us. And because we didn’t accept the easy option presented to us, we ended up with better pumps, fewer defects, and higher margins.
It’s never either-or.
Then I went home and slept.
Think about it…
I know. This was a little long.
So to the point.
When was the last time you changed your mind about anything?
Haven’t? Why not? Everything else in our lives has changed? Start by questioning yourself. Yes, even those core beliefs that are held up as sacrilegious.
Do it…
Watch it: Bad Monkey has started off strong. Just wish Apple would didn’t stick to the whole 1-episode-a-week thing. I’d have binged this one. Apple also has just released The Instigators. It’s a fun crime movie with a few twists. Well written. Well acted. It’s worth a free trial.
Read it: Heist: or how to steal a planet. It was a gift from my son before he jetted off to Japan. Great story. Great artwork. Graphic novels are just cool. Plus they will broaden your ideas of story format.
Quote it:
Old George Orwell got it backward. Big Brother isn't watching. He's singing and dancing. He's pulling rabbits out of a hat. Big Brother's busy holding your attention every moment you're awake. He's making sure you're always distracted. He's making sure you're fully absorbed. He's making sure your imagination withers. Until it's as useful as your appendix. He's making sure your attention is always filled. And this being fed, it's worse than being watched. With the world always filling you, no one has to worry about what's in your mind. With everyone's imagination atrophied, no one will ever be a threat to the world.
―Chuck Palahniuk, Lullaby
If you want to check out some great reading list and see which books have influenced, surprised, educated, and entertained me, check out my book shop here. The lists grow monthly and I don’t recommend any books I haven’t personally read. Or use my book recommendation engine and specific author chatbots. Check it out. It’s fun.
Shared on Facebook! I love the drawing!