Moments When It's Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut
Sometimes being quiet is the best form of communication.
The Iroquois Confederacy had their own constitution. It was actually the earliest form of a participatory, democracy-based government. The five nations of the confederacy would come together to establish rules for living, respecting, and sustaining each other and their environment.
Each nation maintained their own leadership and traditions but they all agreed these group meetings, sometimes called the Grand Council of Chiefs, would be used to decide upon issues that were viewed as common cause or had an impact that reached beyond their own tribal interests. They used the ‘seven generation’ principle. It stated that any decisions today should lead to a sustainable future for their descendants and the environment for seven generations into the future.
This created a guideline for all their decision making processes.
But this was five nations with different leaders, different customs, different dress, gathering together to attempt to reach a consensus. And anyone could stand up and talk. Lots of people. Lots of ideas. You would think lots of chaos.
But they had one rule for all speakers and for all listeners. One person had the floor and spoke. They were not to be interrupted. Everyone listened. After they finished their speech everyone held a moment of silence. During this time the speaker had the opportunity to think about what they’d just said, and change it, amend it, or add to it, if they felt it necessary. Listeners had to maintain the same moment of silence and could address the speaker only after they had given the person a chance to amend the speech.
In the moment of silence, respect was given and accepted, by both the speaker and the listener. It was an active style of listening.
The learning and the communication was built in the moment of silence.
Steve Kerr, Head Coach of the Golden State Warriors, runs a drill in practice called the Silent 10. During a 10 minute practice session, the Warriors run their offense in complete silence.
Without a word.
Only the sounds of squeaky shoes and basketballs slapping hands and hitting the floor echoed across the gym.
Communication must be through eye contact and hand signals. Stephen Curry the team leader and the man with the ball in his hands must make contact with each of his teammates and communicate with his eyes, his hands, and his body. It fosters a connection between teammates and requires a higher level of attention and an active type of listening.
The Iroquois and the Golden State Warriors realize that talking can sometimes be a detriment to clear and honest communications. Talking too much can close thoughts down especially when talking is use to dominate other people.
You are not being a strong leader by speaking forcefully and shutting down the opinions of others. You are losing your team.
It’s the quiet moments between the words and the speeches where true understanding, learning, and communication occurs.
So keep your mouth shut and listen. Before you speak. After you speak. And certainly, while others are speaking. Let the silence bloom.
For more about team communications and elite level performances try Sally Jenkins’ great new book, The Right Call.
Think About It…
Likely, when you were a child, someone told you to count to 10 before responding, especially when you were angry. Breathe. Slow down. Count to ten and visualize the numbers in your head.
Good advice. Doesn’t always work but still a good approach.
The key is to use the silence. It’s a time to question yourself. Listen to yourself. You will learn and grow more with a quiet, self-reflective moment of silence, than a quick, witty, droll response.
Be like the Iroquois. Give yourself a moment of thoughtful silence.
Do It…
Still on track for my simple, start-the-day commitment of completing my morning walk/run of at least 1 mile every morning. DOn’t even think about it any more. I just get up and do it. 3 1/2 weeks and counting.
Been adding in JiuJitsu class this week. I’m up to three times a week. This weekend I’ll hit the Sunday morning class followed by an open mat class.
And I’ll make some Jalapeño Popper Grilled Cheese Sandwiches to go with the game. Trust me. They’re simple, and easy, and well earned this week.
Stuff you can ignore if you so desire…
NFL:
Last Week’s Record: 12 - 4
Season’s Record: 19 - 13
Week 3:
Giants vs. 49ers - 49ers big
Falcons vs. Lions - Lions
Chargers vs. Vikings - Vikings (Chargers may be the bad-surprise team of the year.)
Saints vs. Packers - Packers
Texans vs. Jaguars - Jaguars
Broncos vs. Dolphins - Dolphins
Titans vs. Browns - Titans
Bills vs. Commanders - Bills
Colts vs. Ravens - Ravens
Patriots vs. Jets - Jets
Panthers vs. Seahawks - Seahawks
Bears vs. Chiefs - Chiefs
Cowboys vs. Cardinals - Cowboys (gonna be ugly for the Cardinals)
Steelers vs. Raiders - Steelers
Eagles vs. Buccaneers - Buccaneers
Rams vs. Bengals - Bengals ( unless Joe Burrow is out then Rams)
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