My Grandfather Was Not a Cuddly Old Man
Asshole would be more appropriate...
It’s the phone call at two in the morning that gets you.
Dad: Hey, you need to go pick up your grandfather and bring him home. He’s not going to make it much longer.
Me: Now? It’s 2 in the morning.
Dad: Yea. Now. You’ll need to make him some kind of way to lay down. He can’t sit up long. And get him some diapers. He’ll need those for the trip.
Me: Shit. Ok. I’m on it. What if he dies on the way home?
Dad: Well, just dump him in the ditch and come on down and see us.
He was joking. I think. We’re big on black humor in my family.
So I borrowed a friend’s station wagon - another 2 am call - dropped the back seats down and made a bed with blankets and pillows in the back. Went to get my grandfather.
I opened the door to his trailer and there he was. Imprisoned in his couch. He greeted me with a Jack Daniel’s smile and the smell of shit.
“Hell, I just don’t get no warning no more. It just comes,” he said.
He started every sentence with Hell.
I picked him up, carried him to the shower, and stood him up. Stripped him down and washed and cleaned his body. His arms shook as he braced himself against the shower wall. Bones looked close to popping thru his skin.
“I’m taking you to Dad’s.”
“Hell, I know. I’m the one that called him. Said to come get me.”
I dressed him.
Wrangler jeans.
Cowboy plaid shirt with snap buttons.
Picked him up and carried him to the station wagon, slid him in.
“Hell, get my guns, my Jack, my Camels.”
“That all. You’ll probably be there awhile.”
“Hell, I ain’t coming back here. You know that. But you can grab my shave kit, I guess. And get my picture album out of the closet.”
So I loaded up his four guns, handed him a liter of Jack Daniel’s and a carton of Camels. Shave kit. Pictures.
Tossed him a book that had been on the table, “Slocum’s Gold.”
“No smoking.”
And we were off. It was about a 6 hour drive.
Six hours, I drove and he drank and told stories. I thought I’d heard them all.
But I hadn’t.
Grapes of Wrath type stories.
He told me about faking a birth certificate at 15 to get accepted in the FDR’s Civilian Conservation Corp, a six month work camp. Good money to send home he said.
He told about robbing a poker game and running across the Red River to get away from a posse.
About driving out to California to pick fruit, and lettuce, and strawberries, and cotton along the way. Working oil fields. He told me about counterfeiting, dance halls, and picking up a hitchhiking Pretty Boy Floyd.
How to make whiskey and beer. Careful it don’t explode he said.
How to discipline kids - with a razor strap but only when they need it.
He didn’t tell me why my father ran away when he was eight.
We made it to my Dad’s. Got him set up in a bed and over the next day, all my Aunts and Uncles, came by to say hello and goodbye to my grandfather.
The conversations were rough.
Some bitter.
But also there were laughs.
My father went in last.
I sat outside on the front curb and my father came and sat next to me.
“He’s gone.”
“You know, I thought his last words might be, I love you son, or something like that but they weren’t.”
“What’d he say,” I asked.
“Well, he said he wasn’t ready. And then he died.”
Then my father told me he loved me. For the first time.
And he went back inside to make arrangements for my grandfather.
We believe there will be enough time. We believe we can get started tomorrow. We believe, we believe but we don’t know.
It’s not guaranteed.
So start today. Tell someone you love them, do it now. If you need to forgive someone, do it now.
My grandfather lived a full life but he died alone in a house full of his children.
Ran out of time…
Think About It….
I’m no longer attracted to accumulating things.
To attain knowledge add things every day. To attain wisdom subtract things every day.
Lao Tzu
I’ve been studying Essentialism.
I want better not more
Commit to less but do more
More balance less quest
But there are a few things I still spend money on. Like…
Bread - I only buy bread from my local bakery. It’s made daily. Tastes great.
Olive Oil - Here’s my go to favorite.
Books and Courses - Always keep learning
Do It…
Downsize a room. My wife and I are cleaning closets this weekend. Not from a let’s get this organized point of view but from a let’s get rid of all this shit point of view.
Watching the championship games this weekend…
Eagles vs. 49ers - Eagles in a defense makes a play at the end of the game, game.
Bengals vs. Chiefs - Bengals because even Patrick Mahomes doesn’t recover from a high ankle sprain in a week.
My playoff record - 9 - 1.
Saturday night viewing - The Lincoln Lawyer - the series not the movie. Down to the last couple of episodes and it’s been great. Close to the novels.
Ciao.
Washing him, dressing him, transporting him. Good job Jeff.